Stand Still

 I won't lie when I say I was pretty confused about God when our son died.  We'd tried everything, promised everything, threatened even more.  I even told God I wouldn't believe in Him if He let my son die.  I had to stop right there in the hospital corridor and chuckle when His immediate answer came to my mind, "Oh great, lose your son and your God at the same time”.

Fortunately, I lost neither, but now my son was in Heaven and my God felt far away.  I had nothing to say.

We left the States on our way back to Japan, planning to bury his ashes at the church where he had grown up. At the insistence of our mission, we had a stopover in Australia for some time of rest and reflection. We were reminded that we still had an 11-year-old son, Nathan, who had been largely ignored for the last eight months. “Don’t make him a victim, too,” we were told. 

I had a book (back before the internet) and we found a 'Farm Stay’ near the airport in Brisbane.  We'd go there and chill for a few days. It was a real Godsend in so many ways and we still keep up with the couple (now just the widow) who opened their hearts and doors to us.

Somewhat 'aware' of all the bugaboos that haunt Australia in the category of "Things that can kill you", I insisted that we at least invest in some sturdy boots. The budget ran out before I bought anything, but I figured "Hey, what could possibly get through these old tennis shoes?”

Off we went one day on a hike.  In my musings that morning, I had once again 'mentioned' to God that I was aware He had obviously forgotten us. My favourite scripture passage during that time was Jeremiah 20:7. I reasoned that if Jeremiah could get published for sharing his thoughts, maybe it was OK for me to voice my opinion as well.

“You deceived me, Lord, and I was deceived;

    you overpowered me and prevailed.

I am ridiculed all day long;

    everyone mocks me.

Whenever I speak, I cry out

    proclaiming violence and destruction.

So the word of the Lord has brought me

    insult and reproach all day long.”  (Jeremiah 20:7-13)

Yeah, pretty harsh words, even for a prophet. I don’t know; maybe I was thinking that if I offended Him enough, He would just call me home and I could be with Trevor.

Cue the wake-up call.

As we hiked along through the beautiful scenery, the trail  narrowed to a little one person path through some long grass.

Suddenly, something caught my attention.  It was a hefty but dull looking snake, and he was coming right at me.

Of course, being a Colorado girl, I know NOTHING about snakes, but I knew I didn't want to be where I was and reacted by backing up.

The snake continued to pursue, I continued to back up........until I stopped against the wall created by my family.  They had no idea what was happening, so they just stood still.

I also stood still.

We hadn't been in Australia long enough to know the little jingle, "If you see a snake, stand still like a tree". But there I stood.  When I'm terrified (I learned) I go all silent, so the family  didn't know what my problem was till they saw the snake. Then we looked like the Three Stooges, screaming and scrambling over each other. I think I even heard someone shout, “Woo Woo Woo!” Maybe it was me.

But by that time, the snake had given up, turned and was on his way to another victim. That night back at the Farm Stay, we told our amusing story to the couple.  He laid down his cooking knife and said,  

"We should have warned you.  What you encountered was a Death Adder.  He lies in wait and attacks his victims at close range.  I had a friend who was bitten while he was cutting firewood, and (picking up his knife for drama) he CHOPPED OFF HIS THUMB. That saved his life, because a death adder’s poison can kill in minutes".  

Our eyes were as big as saucers.  ONLY because we stopped, we were told, was the snake confused and went on his way.  Apparently, they have poor eyesight, depending instead on motion sensors.

That night as I got ready for bed, I remembered the rest of that section in Jeremiah, now chapter 20: 14…

“But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word

    or speak anymore in his name,’

his Word is in my heart like a fire,

    a fire shut up in my bones.

I am weary of holding it in;

    indeed, I cannot.”

God and I came to a new relationship that night. I don't need to be happy about what He ordains for me; I just have to trust Him. 

“Standing still” can come in lots of ways. Pray about that sometime, asking God to tell you when to stop. And remember to stand still when you need to!

Marsha